Trauma is “what happens to a person where there is either too much too soon, too much for too long, or not enough for too long.” - Peg Duros & Dee Crowley
Defining trauma and explaining stress responses:
Some of us resist using language like “trauma” to explain the hurts and pains we’ve experienced in the past, and others feel like that is the only way to accurately emphasize how hurtful it was - even if it doesn’t fit the Diagnostic Manual’s definition of trauma. Here, we’re going to define trauma like the quote states above, but I’m not going to push you to marry the word. I will, however, encourage to consider what stress responses you may be carrying forward in your life.
Lisa Feldman Barrett, a leading neuroscientist and distinguished professor at Northeastern University, describes the brain as an “inference generating organ”, meaning it is constantly predicting and then adjusting when incoming information doesn’t match the prediction. Why does this matter? Well, essentially whatever patterns we’re disliking in the present are typically based on something we’ve learned in the past and we learn the most when their is pain (emotional or physical) and stress involved.
For our purposes, I’m going to use “stress response” to describe what happens when the body responds to something in the present based on what it has learned from experiences in the past. Why does this matter? Because many of the patterns we dislike in the present make more sense when we understand what our brains and bodies have learned to anticipate.
So what happens when a stress response sticks around?
A response that once helped you survive, protect yourself, or get through something overwhelming doesn’t always disappear simply because the original experience is over. Your brain and body may continue responding as though something familiar is happening, even when the circumstances are different now.
That can create a frustrating mismatch between what you know and what you feel. You may intellectually understand that something is over, safe, or different, while still experiencing fear, vigilance, shame, numbness, or a strong impulse to avoid. Some stress responses are obvious; others become woven into everyday habits, relationships, and the way you see yourself.
Traumatic experiences can create these kinds of responses, but so can other highly stressful experiences that taught your brain and body something important about what to expect, what to fear, or how to protect yourself.
This is one reason this work often needs more than insight alone. Understanding where a response came from can be incredibly helpful, but sometimes the deeper work is helping your system learn that the present is actually different from the past.
What stress responses can look like →
Stress responses can show up in ways that are obvious, and in ways that become so woven into everyday life that they simply feel like part of who you are. They may affect what you notice, what you avoid, how your body responds, how you relate to other people, and what you come to believe about yourself.
Intrusive memories or reminders
Unwanted memories, images, sensations, emotions, or reminders that seem to arrive unexpectedly and involuntarily pull your attention toward something that happened before.
Hypervigilance
Feeling watchful, easily startled, unable to fully relax, or constantly scanning for signs that something might go wrong.
Shame, guilt, or self-blame
Carrying a sense that you should have responded differently, prevented what happened, or that something about the experience says something negative about who you are.
Numbness or disconnection
Feeling emotionally flat, detached from yourself or other people, foggy, unreal, or unable to access feelings that once came more easily.
Relationship and trust difficulties
Finding closeness, vulnerability, conflict, dependence, or trust harder because past experiences continue to shape what your system expects from other people.
Avoidance
Staying away from people, places, conversations, memories, emotions, or situations because some part of you expects them to feel overwhelming, unsafe, or too much.
What we can work toward →
The goal isn’t to erase what happened or make you unaffected by difficult experiences. We’re working toward helping your mind and body respond more fully to what is happening now, with greater flexibility, choice, and trust in yourself.
More safety in the present
Helping your mind and body recognize more clearly when the current moment is different from the past.
More connection to yourself
Feeling more able to notice emotions, needs, and body signals without becoming flooded or disconnected.
More freedom in relationships
Having greater choice around closeness, trust, boundaries, conflict, and vulnerability.
More choice
Feeling less governed by automatic stress responses and more able to respond based on what is actually happening now.
Less reactivity to reminders
Reducing the intensity of memories, triggers, or situations that currently feel overwhelming or difficult to control.
How I approach this work
Stress responses can show up in memory, the body, relationships, the way you see yourself, and the expectations you carry into everyday life, so there usually isn’t one entry point into the work. Depending on what seems most active, we may process experiences from the past, work directly with automatic body-based responses, notice patterns that continue showing up in the present, or get clearer about what you want to move toward. My work draws heavily from EMDR, Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Positive Psychology, each giving us a slightly different way of helping what has been learned before become less determining of how you respond now.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT can help you make room for difficult internal experiences without organizing your life around avoiding them, while reconnecting with values and choices in the present.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR can help distressing memories and experiences become less emotionally and physiologically active in the present. It is especially useful when something from the past still feels unfinished, easily triggered, or too close.
Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR)
DBR may be useful when responses feel especially automatic, body-based, or difficult to access through words alone. The work focuses closely on orienting, shock, and attachment-related responses that may still be active in the present.
Positive Psychology
Positive Psychology helps broaden the work beyond reducing distress by paying attention to strengths, meaning, connection, engagement, and the parts of life you want to grow.'
Ready for the past to have less control over the present?
You don’t have to have your story perfectly organized before starting therapy. We can begin with what is showing up now and work at a pace that respects both where you’ve been and where you want to go.